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She Is

She is beautiful

That’s something he never fully appreciated until now, as he watches her sleep, snoring softly, in the bed beside him. But she is. And he wonders why he never noticed it before. Everything about her calls to the poet he once was. Her porcelain skin, delicate limbs, crimson hair...they all cry out for him to pen odes to her loveliness. But he doesn’t. Instead, he just keeps staring at her. And thinking.

She is trusting

He still can’t believe just how trusting she is. Even after all these years on the Hellmouth. Even after her foray into the dark side of magick. Even after those she loves have turned their backs on her, punishing her more severely for her transgressions than they have ever been punished for theirs. She still trusts. And after all the times that he, himself, has hurt her, wronged her, even tried to kill her, she still trusts him.

She is caring

He still remembers everything about the night in the factory. The night he kidnapped her. He remembers the way she patted his knee and let him cry on her shoulder about Drusilla. And he remembers the way she consoled him when he couldn’t bite her the night he escaped from the Initiative. He remembers the way she tried to keep him from staking himself on still another night, when he’d been staying in the moron’s basement, and flinches at the memory of the cruel words with which he repaid her kind ones. All sorts of memories filled with instances of consideration he never deserved and help he never thanked her for. And after all this time, she still cares. Cares for him.

She is sweet

He remembers becoming obsessed with the way she was with Tara. The way they held hands. The way they giggled and whispered and kissed each other softly. And he grew curious. So he followed them, watched them. And there was always sweetness. Even when they were alone, even when things had gone badly somehow, Willow was always sweet and soft and gentle. Spike wondered what it would feel like to be with a girl like her. And he envied Tara. But he smiles now, because when she finds out the truth, Tara will be the one who envies.

She is playful

He can still recall everything about the first time he spied on Willow and Tara as they made love. The way Willow touched her lover and the cheeky grin on her face as she found a sensitive spot on her girl’s body and made her moan, then giggle, as the same spot was tickled instead of kissed. He marveled at the care she displayed and the way she could find the special places on Tara’s body that were erogenous zones of her very own. He noticed that Tara was not so considerate. Sure, she went to all the “right” places, Willow’s ears, her breasts, between her thighs. But she didn’t explore. Not the way Willow did. And Spike’s gut clenched as he thought about what he would do if he had a girl like Willow in his bed. And now he knows. He knows that there’s a special spot in the small of Willow’s back that makes her giggle if you lick it just right, that her feet are so sensitive that just brushing the bottom of them makes her laugh ‘til she loses her breath, and that there’s a place in the curve of her elbow and one on the back of her left thigh that make her moan. Tara doesn’t know these things, any more than she knows the things about Spike’s body that Willow knows better than he does, better than anyone ever has.

She is sensual

He’s been with many lovers since his turning. And he had thought his dark goddess had shown him the true meaning of ecstasy. But he has never known anything like what he experiences with Willow. He never knew he could enjoy being with a lover who bites playfully and never draws blood; who is so uninhibited in sexual play, yet blushes when he sees her naked in the morning; who has more uses for chocolate sauce and cotton candy than even he had considered possible; and who doesn’t mind when he lets his demon out to play...or when he doesn’t. She is as giving and open as a lover as she is as a friend. And that has brought Spike more joy than he ever thought he could find.

She is forgiving

She knows about Buffy; never even asked him to end things with the Slayer. But he did. If he were human, he would have cried at the surprise on Willow’s face when he told her that he had told the Slayer to find another way to feel. As it was, he’d waited ‘til she was gone and cried anyway. His girl asked for so little, was so used to being second best, that she’d never considered the idea that he cared, that he didn’t just want her as something on the side to soothe his feelings after being used by the girl she thought he really loved. She never even considered the idea that he might love her.

She is love

He thinks maybe, when she wakes up, it would be a good time to tell her how he feels. To tell her that he’s ready for everyone to know about them, damn the consequences. He knows they have never discussed this before, but he’s ready to open his heart to her anyway. She’s given him her trust, in spite of everything. The least he can do is give her his. Because, after all the years, all the times he’s thought he had found what he wants and been so wrong, he knows the real thing is laying beside him right now. And he’s ready to take the leap into the abyss. Because he knows. He’s already seen it in her eyes. She loves him.

The End
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